This and That

I have actually really enjoyed staying home, when Liberty was born I was dieing to get out of the house all the time. This time around I have LOVED sitting on the couch and doing nothing but feed a baby and sleep with a baby. But I do feel bad for Liberty she is stuck in the house all day. Luckily there have been a few activities for Jeff and Liberty to go to together. This was our stake foot rodeo that they went too.

And we LOVE when friends come to visit! hint hint :)

This is my spot on the couch I hardly ever leave it :)

Village Idiot? :)

Paisley hanging outside watching sister color

Our little artist!

GAG! Jeff had a mustache for about a week! Thank heavens it only lasted that long.

Grammy finally gets home from Utah and gets to meet Paisley! Paisley is named after this wonderful lady I get to call grandma! Paisley Alta Williamson. My Grandmas name is Alta. I love my grandma more than anything! I'm so glad I get to be around her so often and that me kids get to know and love her. Liberty and Grammy have the cutest relationship, and I know Paisley will have the same in a few years!

I'm gonna be a big sister!

So I made Big sister Little sister shirts for the girls in hopes that Liberty would wear hers the first time she came to the hospital to meet her little sister. Well things did not go that way :) But I made sure our first day at home they wore their shirts!

Looks like they are both picking their nose haha

Bring Home Baby

After leaving the hospital we stopped by my grandmas house to see my family. Kelsey and Austin had both just came into town to see Paisley. I was so happy we were going to be home for the few days that they were here.

Liberty finally gets to hold her little sister!

This was also Tiffany's first time to hold Paisley, she was sick and never made it to the hospital to see us.

Ah I love my little girls, Liberty LOVES her little sister!

As soon as we got home Paisley finally got a bath, 10 days old and finally getting her first bath.




Paisley is very loved by her family!

Paisley's Hospital Stay

Finally at about 1:30 am 10/5 Paisley arrived at PCH, They said she had another seizures on the ride over. Jeff found the room and saw Paisley in a new NICU with nurses all around her, doing more tests and getting her hooked up to machines and tubes. They tried filling him in and telling him what was going on. She was already on medicine to help stop the seizures and it eventually began to work. They began a process involving cold therapy. Basically she lays on a mat (sometimes they use a cap) that has water flowing in tubes inside. The machine can adjust the water to her temperature, with the goal of lowering her temperature to a level when her body is dormant and can relax. She lost a lot of oxygen and may have damaged her brain in the process. When the brain cells die, the natural reaction for the brain tissue is to swell up. This swelling just caused more damage. So by cooling her down, the swelling is minimized as well (like icing a sprained ankle). This cold state also allows her body to slowly recover without working too hard. She remains for 72 hours at exactly 33-34 degrees Celsius (as close to 33.5 as possible).

The next day they began lots of tests, They were beginning EEG tests to see how much, if any, damage was done in the brain. This is done by placing some 30 small patches on her head which are wired to a machine, which reads brain activity. It is a more in-depth version of the brain scanner machine that is hooked up to her throughout the day. It also reads and records her brain activity but in not so great of detail. There is a monitor that shows the results, like recording music, in wave-like motion. Jeff saw a chart of what it should look like. Her images did not look normal. Hard to describe, but it was low, in the 1-range, with sporadic spikes here and there, and not very tall lines. It has slowly gotten better over time. It needs to be in the 10s. Next was an ultrasound of the heart to check for murmurs, echoes, or other complications. They also did an MRI, which is another way to test and provides a great snapshot of the brain and they can check for spots and signs of damage.

That was Tuesday, Tuesday night was SO hard. The funny/amazing thing is that after sharing stories Jeff and I realized that we both received peace at about that same time that night that everything was going to be ok. I could finally get some sleep I knew that my baby was going to be ok. It was a long morning waiting for the call from Jeff but finally on weds at about 11am Jeff called with the greatest news ever! results came in. The main doctor and head of the cooling treatment was the one to explain what they found. She was surprised and pleased with the results. They showed no signs of brain damage. They did not report any event of seizures either. The heart looked healthy. The EEG monitor, Jeff could see, and the waves were steadily getting higher (in the 5 and 10 range). More brain activity was happening and approaching normalcy. Of course doctors are careful what they say as they can never be 100% positive, but she anticipates no serious learning disorders. It was a miracle, I had had a Dr. just a few days before tell me that my baby had brain damage but Heavenly Father blessed us with a miracle and Paisley was going to ok. At least now we know she has a chance at a healthy happy life. A huge dark cloud was lifted from my hospital room, after that phone call. I was bawling I'm sure everyone thought it was bad news but I was just so happy! I quickly called as many family members as I could to tell them the news!

Friday I finally get to PCH It was so weird for me, I kept telling my mom on the way to the hospital that I felt like I was going to Jeff's hospital to see Jeff's baby. I didn't feel like she was mine! Jeff did great at filling me in with everything that was happening but I still felt out of the loop. It was so hard to see her all hooked up with wires, but she looked good. And she was little haha because she was 8 lbs 11 oz I kept thinking she was HUGE. She was a chunk but she was still a little newborn that made me happy. I didn't want to miss a moment of her life. Not long after I got there it was time to take her into her 2nd and last set of test. We walked her in to the MRI room and I bawled all the way back to the waiting room.

A few days later we got the test results back, everything still looked great! The Dr says she thinks she will be 100% ok! That is the best thing you can hear from the doctor.

Anyways lots more happened in the hospital but basically after she was taken off the cooling therapy and the last set of tests were done we now had to slowly take out tubes and get her off meds, learn how to eat and we were out of there. She did those all in record time, 10 days in the NICU a record for a baby on the therapy she was on. A miracle once again!

The EEG Test

First feeding

She was so swollen from the cooling therapy, her eyes took the longest for the swelling to go down. She tried so hard to open her eyes those first few days :) It was so cute!

The first time I got to hold her :) Best day EVER!!!

First time I saw her in the hospital!

This picture Jeff took making fun of me, if you look close you can see my catheter hanging out of my shorts haha

My dad and Gail came straight from the airport to the hospital :)

Jeff's first time to hold her

Starting to lose the tubes!

First time Liberty was able to see Paisley, she was IN LOVE! She wanted to hold her so bad!

Look at the joy on that face, I love my Liberty!

NEURO NICU graduate :) That means we are going home!

That morning they took out the IV in her head, we were tube free and heading home!

Thanks again, I can't not say it enough for all the prayers, fasting and LOVE. We love you all so much and are so grateful for such wonderful friends and family!

My hospital stay

The first few days in the hospital were some pretty dark days for me, everything was so unknown we were just waiting to see what was going to happened with Paisley. It seemed like I was going to be in the hospital FOREVER!!

The next morning my Dr. came to check on me and fill me in on what went on during surgery. He said that my uterus had ruptured in the back and Paisley had fell through the back. He said he tried to save my uterus and that in a year or two they can go in and see if it healed enough to have more kids. This is the one thing that I still can not talk about or think about, I know that the possibility of having more kids is very low Jeff and I always wanted a big family. But I know that the Lord has blessed us so much already that what ever is right will happen. I'm so grateful that my Dr. even attempted to save my uterus all the nurses kept saying how impressed they were that he did that, the easy thing would have been to remove my uterus.

My mom stayed with me most of the time Jeff stayed one night with me but other than that he was at the hospital with Paisley. I was glad but I missed them both so much! I was in SO much pain. I was recovering from 2 births it felt like, I was sore from pushing and sore from the C-section and plus I had had major surgery in repairing my uterus. It was going to be a LONG recovery. It was heaven sent having my nurse mom stay with me. She knew all the questions to ask :)

My mom also made sure my room had the most flowers, she came in and made it pretty with flowers and pictures of Paisley. I was blessed with the most wonderful day nurse Mary for 3 days. She was so NICE! I was famous, everyone seemed to have been there or heard about what had happened that night. We had random nurses and Drs coming in to see how I was doing just cause they had heard what had happened. I was a close call that night. We still don't know alot that went on that night, the saddest thing is that a few days later Jeff called to see what time Paisley was born and how long she was. We didn't even know that information for the insurance company. So a nurse came and gave me all that info.

Everyone wanted to know how baby was, it got really old actually cause we had no news to update so it was hard when everyone wanted to know how baby was. I am so thankful for all the love and support that I received while in the hospital all the visits, gifts and prayers it was so nice! Lindsey came and brought Liberty to see me everyday. It was so good to see her for a few hours during the day. My mom pampered me and waited on me hand and foot, it was great :) My dad was also wonderful and came to check up on me everyday sometimes even twice a day :) Really I can't thank you all enough for all the love and support. My goal was to be out of the hospital by Friday everyone kinda laughed at me, but that was the day Paisley was going to be waking up from the therapy and I wanted to be there! So everyday I tried to stand and walk. Boy was that the hardest thing I have ever done! It hurt so bad! In order to leave I needed to be able to go to the bathroom and walk on my own without feeling lightheaded. My blood levels kept dropping ever day, and they talked about having to do another blood transfusion. Luckily they don't like to do another one if they don't have to. I reached the boarder line for having to do another one, I was at 8.3 and anything under 8 they have to do another one. So I was low but at least I stopped dropping and stayed at the 8.3. I was also having ZERO luck in the bathroom department haha. I hate to get to personal it was very embarrassing for me, but I could NOT PEE for the life of me. They took out my catheter multiple times and every time I failed to go and it had to be put back in. Friday came and it looked like I was not going home, but again by some miracle they let me go home. I left with a catheter strapped to my leg but I was going home, well to PCH but that was home to me that's where my husband and baby were!

well it's about time!

I have had this in the back of mind for a few days now. I know I need to write down Paisleys birth story I will always want to remember it and so will she, but every time I sit down to write I get super depressed just thinking about those dark dark days. Jeff, the day after Paisley was born and our whole stay in the hospital kept an amazing journal of all that went on, I may have to refer to that for help. And maybe with his permission I can post it on here. Besides there are two sides to this story, my side in the OR and those who were left in the waiting room. That night is like a nightmare that plays over and over in my head these days. It was nice being in the hospital and putting all my thoughts and energy into Paisley and getting her well and home. But since we have been home it has left me with time to think about that night and how horrible and scary it really was.

Monday October 4th at 3am I rolled over in bed, and when you are 39 weeks that is a huge ordeal :) all of the sudden I felt a little splat of water, to be honest I thought your kidding me did I just pee a little?!?! I went to the bathroom and noticed my pjs were a little wet. I woke Jeff up and said I think my water broke. After that I was WAY to excited/scared to sleep. I lied in bed for a few more hours waiting for the BIG break to happen. It never happened. After a call to my mom and walking around the neighborhood to try to get contractions to start I knew I needed to call my Dr. I didn't want to, I knew they would send me straight to the hospital. At this point I was feeling NOTHING. So we took our sweet time. We stopped at a few stores to look for a nursing bra and then got some lunch and took Liberty over to my moms. We finally got to the Hospital around 1pm. In the OB triage they checked the fluid and it was positive my water had broke. At this point I was 5cm. I was being admitted and my Dr. stopped by and said you ready to have a baby today! I was READY!! After being sent to Labor and Delivery I was told that I would be started on Pitocin I was NOT HAPPY! I had different thoughts for how I wanted this birth to go. But since I was in the hospital they like the baby to be born before 24 hours after the water breaking I was already at 12 hours. I told the nurse I was scared of Pitocin and had heard horror stories, she assured me that it was fine. She said we will get the Pitocin started and then get you your epidural and you will have a baby in a few hours. I then expressed my concerns about the epidural, with Liberty it wore off and I did not want that to happen. I wanted to go as long as I could without it. She was very supportive of that. She then checked me and I was 6cm. I was shocked, how am I progressing so well and not feeling a THING!

As I was a 6 I sat in bed and ate a Popsicle and was all smiles. Then the contractions started to hit. I felt I did really well breathing through them then I was checked and was an 8 I thought I could go longer but the nurse said if you want an epidural you better get one now, you can't be asking for one when it's time to push. I'm glad I asked for it then. It was now 5pm and I am ready to push. I thought wow this is going great I bet I will have a baby by 6pm. I pushed a few times and it was then that we found out that the baby was face up, that's how Liberty was and I pushed for 2 1/2 hours with her. I pushed on and off for an hour not really getting anywhere. My Dr. came in and gave me the option to push for a long time or stop and let the contractions try to rotate the baby and let her move down a little more on her own. I remembered how swollen I was after pushing so long with Liberty so I decided to wait and see if the contractions could do some of the work for me. It was about 2 hours of LOTS of pressure and the nurses moving me in different potions to try to get the baby to move. Also during all of this was shift change so now I have a new nurse. At this point I am on my hands and knees trying to get the baby to turn. I start to feel sick and throw up a few times. I was so discouraged the perfect labor was now a nightmare. Why, with both of my labors was it so hard for me to push! Also during this time I did throw up a few times, no fun! All of the sudden I feel a SHARP pain at the top of my stomach and I start yelling OUCH it hurts it hurts. They move me on my side, the babies heart rate has now DROPPED LOW! I see the panic on my moms and the nurses face! I kept asking to lay on my back it felt better but I had to be on my side for the babies heart rate. The nurse presses on my stomach to see if it was just a strong contraction. It is at that moment that I really see the panic, my stomach went from rock hard from contractions to mush. She says she thinks my uterus has ruptured. NOT GOOD! All of the sudden nurses are everywhere I'm singing a paper to get a C-section and they are paging DRs and nurses from all over the hospital. I am now being pushed out of my room, this whole time I am still saying ouch ouch over and over again, the pain was HORRID!!! They yell to Jeff, DAD we will come back for you. In my mind at this moment I am so scared I can feel myself slipping away. I was in SO MUCH PAIN I could hardly stay awake I could feel myself blacking out! The OR was pure chaos, it seemed like nothing was in order and everyone was running around yelling at each other. I can hear them saying where is DR. Huish has anyone paged him, did you tell him its 911. They are now paging the hospital for any Surgeon to come to this emergency C-section. I am still in so much pain I can't open my eyes, they pain is now in my shoulder too, they say that is is normal I ask the nurse if she will rub my shoulder haha she doesn't say or do anything! Now I'm wondering where Jeff is, he would rub my shoulder for me! They keep saying the pain medicine should be kicking in any min Amy, well they were NOT! Dr. Huish finally gets there. My eyes are still closed this is all just what I'm hearing. I never saw any ones face that were in that room. One nurse says that if my epidural doesn't take quick enough then they will have to put me under for the surgery. I know start to lose it, I have never felt this close to death in my life. I had a strong feeling that if I went under I was not coming back. I knew I needed to keep concentrating on my breathing and staying alive. I few times I heard the panic in a nurses voice saying Amy Amy are you doing ok. NO I was not ok, it was taking everything in my to stay in that room. All I could think about was back in the LD room was my husband, mom, MIL and sister who I had not even had a chance to say anything too. And my sweet little Liberty. I left her at my moms without saying goodbye hoping not to make a scene and make her sad as we left for the hospital. WHERE was JEFF!! Why had he still not come in the room. I was so scared that it was the end for me. I would not wish this feeling on anyone. The baby is out, I can feel them pull her out, not a sound no crying at all! It has now been 18 minutes since her heart rate dropped. Dr Huish yells at some nurses about something. Sounded to me like they weren't ready for the baby. I can hear them bagging my baby. I thought she was dead. I am now losing it more than ever inside. I open my eyes to try to see something. All I see is the curtain in front of me is COVERED in blood! I quickly close my eyes again and they didn't open again til I was in recovery. I tried to tune out everything at that moment all I could think about was hearing a time of death being pronounced and I was NOT going to hear that! I am now shaking uncontrollably, they put a ton of warm blankets on me. I can hear someone asking Dr. Huish if he thinks he can save my uterus and if I will be able to have kids again. I wanted to punch that guy in the FACE! I was right there I could hear him and I did not want to know the answer to that question. I could tell Dr. Huish was annoyed too, he was trying to ignore him and he just kept yelling over to the nurses hows the baby doing, how is baby doing. After what seemed like an eternity I am now in recovery. I had lost a lot of blood and needed a blood transfusion (two units of blood.) I can hear the nurses say can dad come in and see mom. I was so ready to see Jeff but I was afraid he was coming to tell me that our baby had died. I looked at him trying to read his face not wanting to be the one to ask. He looks so scared. He said baby is doing well she is alive. And he has been sitting with her in the NICU. She is beautiful and has a full head of dark hair! This is all a blur to me I can't remember if my mom was able to come in and see me before this point or after the Dr came to talk to us. Jeff says that they were all able to see Paisley has she was being pushed down the hall on her way to the NICU and that they were all able to sneak a peek at her.

My mom says that my Dad had been there and that Lindsey was still out there waiting too. A Dr. comes in to give us the "NEWS" of our little baby. It was really hard for me to stay awake and listen and it seemed like she was talking really slow. I think she was from Russia and had a very thick accent which made it even harder to listen and understand. She told us that she was not responding after birth and was being sent to PCH to be treated. She explained the Cold Cap Treatment that she would be on. All I could do was look at Jeff and Mom in pure shocked. How was this happening to me. What happened, how did my life change so quickly. Why my baby? She did not deserve to have to go through all of this. I could not keep the tears back any longer. The Dr left and I was left with my fears and thoughts as I waited for them to bring in Paisley for me to see before she was taken to PCH. They finally bring in Paisley, she is beautiful! Where did all that dark hair come from. She looked so small and helpless even for an 8 lbs 11oz baby. I could barley get my hand to reach hers but I touched her hand and cried.

Then just a few short minutes later she was gone. I was then moved back into my LD room to stay for the rest of the night. They wanted to keep me close to the OR just in case. Back at the room I was able to see Lindsey, and Jeff's brother Mark was there with Jeff's parents. Jeff, Mark and Craig gave me a blessing and then they were off to go see Paisley I told Jeff to give Paisley a blessing as soon as they were able. My heart was breaking my baby was gone and now there went my husband to stay with her. I was glad he was going to be with her but I was sad that he had to leave me. My mom stayed by my side all night. A few minutes after Jeff left I got a phone call from a Dr at PCH saying Paisley had arrived and that they had started the treatment on her. She held nothing back and told me Paisley did not look good, she had another seizure on the way to the hospital and from what she could tell she already had brain damage. I called Jeff and bawled!!! Our daughter has brain damage how did this happen!! It was the longest most horrible night, my mom was right there by my bedside every time I woke up that night. Each time I woke up my heart dropped, yes this was real it was not a dream. We cried in each others arms all night and prayed for a miracle! The funny thing is all night I knew that Heavenly Father could and would bless us with this miracle. The next morning they finally moved me into an actual recovery room. I was so glad to get out of that haunted LD room. After only a few minutes of being in the recovery room I heard a baby crying in the next room and lost it! I wanted my baby in my room with me so bad! Now I just needed to heal and get out of this hospital and go see my baby.